Saturday, April 10, 2010

I need You.

Bliss. The very word is just... blissful! That is how I feel today. Just content and happy and calm and blissful. I've been all annoyed and stressed about stupid stuff, and it's my fault and nobody else's, I really don't have a care in the world compared to what most people have to face in their lives. I guess I've just been letting Satan attack me with my own thoughts, emotions and actions. Wow that's the scary part. Satan can use our actions to attack us. Yikes :/ Luckily, God started tugging at me and I snapped out of it and went "whoa! hel-LO! where am I??"

And I couldn't even answer that question.
Looked like I was in a snare.
Hmmm. That's not good.

So thankful for Him and His love and all of the incredible things that manifest within it! I think the Beatles were right when they say "All we need is love". We need forgiveness and compassion and guidance, but all things good manifest within love. It's like the foundation, and all good things come up from it. And love is sooo confused today with EMOTION. Love is not a feeling, or an emotion; love is so much more. It is an action. A sacrifice. Love is GOD.

I had a 4H meeting last night (and seeing as how I am president, it's kind of mandatory that I show up) and I didn't get to cowboy church until 7:30 (it started at 6:30). Jeff Gore was there last night, and he is an incredible man. An incredible Christian, friend, singer, just one of those awesome people that you feel so blessed to even encounter. I caught the last ten minutes of the sermon and worship service, but even those few powerful moments convicted me of who I have been for a little while now. I don't like it... so I asked God to change it. Amazing how true the "ask and you shall receive" bit is. Instant forgiveness. That is bliss!!

Anyways, this past week I was in a song writing mood and I spit three out. One is a worship song that came during this whole revelation thing. It's so much better with the music, but I'll post the lyrics for ya'll's critique, observation, admiration (ha :P) and etc.

Follow The Light
He calls me precious; He calls me beautiful
Though I stray from Him, I know He never lets go
His love's a promise; it's timeless, it's eternity
Protection from seduction of the enemy
I am a sinner; I am a trespasser; I stray from His word - so far
He draws me near again, so that I may dwell in His grace
May be cradled in His arms- my rightful place.
For God so loved me, that HE sent His only son to spill His blood, so that I may be saved
From the world and all its snares; from Lucifer, from myself
He has rescued me from death, I breathe Him, I breathe life
I breathe life, I live grace; I see the way, hear the truth, follow the light
I need you, God I need you; I need redemption, love and forgiveness- I need you.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Later, later, later.

Hello. My name is Caitlin. And I am a world-class procrastinator.

We're learning about genes in biology and Mr. P. says that everything about us is coded into a gene in our DNA. I wonder if that includes procrastination. I wonder if there is this little section of DNA that says "incredible procrastinator; success rate with deadlines = .00001%; not known to efficiently completin algebra homework, history assignments and laundry". And if it's there I wonder if there is some procedure that could remove this little gene. Hmmm...

I hate doing laundry.
I hate doing algebra.
I hate reading my history textbook.
I'm feeling very hateful so I'm gonna stop this little hate list.

I'm really bad. I mean reallllly bad. I always study last minute for tests. It works for me because that way I read all of the material the night before the test so it sticks for said test, but still, it's not fun and it's very stressful.

One time for world literature class, I had to have Silas Marner read by a certain Monday. I had 6 weeks to read this book. Guess what? I read twenty pages during those 6 weeks, and Sunday night I was up until 1:30 finishing it.

Yes, I'm that horrible.

And you think I'd learn. I can make myself do stuff but I just... have this little demon inside of me telling me "later. later. later. do it later". Stupid little Later Demon, shut up! Now! Now! I must do it now!

Grrr. I have a ton of laundry to do. As in... I have no more clean clothes. And my mother has no socks because I run out of those first then steal hers. Sorry, Mama.

I have had two and a half weeks to do my algebra. Is it done? Have I touched it? No. When is it due? Monday morning.

In biology I should have rewritten a lot of my notes and made flash cards for my test next week. Have I even read the material for Monday's lecture? Of course not.

It's really not the hardest thing in the world to overcome, and yet, I have not mastered my little Later Demon. I do believe I am lazy! -gasp-

I'm getting better about it, especially since I started college. But if I were to really tackle this little issue of mine, I know I could do a lot better. I'd appreciate prayers :P Haha I'm working on it!!

Okay anywho there's my random little blurb about my insignifigant little issue. And here is a Bible verse to top it all off because He is my rock, He is going to help me cast out Mr. Later, and He just makes me happy (:

"I lift my eyes to the hills-
where does my help com rfom?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth."
-Psalm 121:1-2

Friday, March 26, 2010

"Crabby Caitie" rears her ugly head.

I hate those days when you're just having to constantly check yourself and make sure your sour mood isn't lashing out and clawing at others. Kinda the opposite of those "Happy Days" I was telling you about.

I just feel like being bitter and mean and rotten and nasty and lazy and it's just all so dirty and sinful that it makes me feel even worse!! Luckily this morning God opened my eyes to several verses that command us to DELIGHT in Him. Delight! Is there any happier word? I think not. Delight is like... sunshine and Starbucks and puppies. And why shouldn't I delight in Him and His love?? Because I'm a selfish little human who wants what I want and thinks that my moodiness is so utterly important that it should prevail over His law. Thank God for His grace, eh? I mean, really, when I think about it... I could easily be a garden overrun with weeds. A Jealousy weed, a Complaining weed, a Gluttonous weed, oh hundreds of them! But one of my absolute favorite verses comes out of Romans, 6:14: "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." The only reason I am not an ugly garden overrun with weeds, is because the law that I break does bind me... But I am freed through His grace. How awesome is that?!

Every nasty little thing I do is like a shackle, and they hold me back, stall me on the path He has prepared. And yet the very one who I have disobeyed and disrespected, frees me. Geeze. Now I feel really dirty.

Lord, thank you for Your grace. Your abundant compassion and unfailing love that releases me from the burdens and shackles that I cast upon myself. Thank you for gently reminding me that nothing of my own, including crabby moods, should hinder me from obeying You and loving you and seeking You. In Your name, Amen.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Wind, wind, go away...

Please? Just... go. Please. I'm begging you. I'm on my knees, being sandblasted. Just. Go. Away.

Last night daddy said we wouldn't be moving cattle out of Lake pasture and off shinry, because the weather was gonna be kinda nasty. Well we woke up this morning and it was clear and gorgeous and no rain in sight, so Grandpa gathered up the horses, and off we went. We had to trailer wayyyy up North and as soon as we stepped out of the truck the wind was an absolute nightmare already. It was cold. Like icey cold. Like a frozen air compressor. Gah. And I was NOT in my heavy coat, having not suspected such dreadful circumstances to swoop in over my poor stupid little head, ohhh woe is me!!

It wasn't too terrible during the gather. I didn't have any cattle until the last 3/4 mile or so, and there was a lot of trottin and loping so I stayed relatively warm despite the blanket of gray cast overhead. It was when we went through the gate and started the drive that things got miserable. The wind was hitting us from the side (thank God it had been at our backs almost the whole way til then) and it was slow. And cold. Very slow. And super cold. Meepers! We drove them about 3 and a half miles, I'd guess. And then we got to lope all the way back to the trailer, which made me happy. (:

Anywho. I'm all dried out and caked in dirt and it's really not a fun position, so I think I'll go kick off my boots and change my shirt and collapse on the couch for a lil bit. Let me be a bum for an hour!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Happy day! (:

Ever wake up and just know you're gonna have a happy day? It may not necessarily be a good day. But it's happy.

Today, I am all by my lonesome. I know, cry a tear for me won't you? Daddy & Hal are going to a bull sale in Estancia, Mama is going to Albuquerque to sell Daddy's bobcat hides, and Tyler and Grandpa are gonna be out working all morning. Hmmm. Don't I feel like a lazy butt? So far I have made a pancake- but it was a rather spectacular pancake, if I do say so myself! It was a mickey mouse pancake! Perfectly cooked, with eyes and a mouth made out of chocolate chips. It was almost a shame to eat it... but it tasted too good for me to feel too terribly guiltyyy. And then I opened this huge jar of Jelly Belly beans and started to pick out all the good ones. Light orange, clear-ish pink, green (just not the dark ones- you WILL regret it), and bright red. The other ones? N.A.S.T.Y. Don't touch them. Especially not the white ones with yellowish spots. My taste buds almost jumped down my throat and hid in my tummy. If it has spots, don't eat it. Trust. Me.

Anywhooo. All I gotta do today is a few dishes and cook somethin for dinner and clean the tack room, which should be an interesting experience. There's probably a monster hidden in the back corner scarier than a spotted jelly bean. I'm telling you, avoid them at all costs!

And there are two things I shall end this post with; the first being a Bible verse through which God spoke to me this morning.

"Arise, O Lord, let not man triumph;
let the nations be judged in your presence.
Strike them with terror, O Lord;
let the nations know they are but men."
-Psalms 9:19-20

We are but men. We are but men. Let Him lead us, for we are but men.

And secondly, a picture of my cute little pancake. May he RIP.